Everyone remembers their first love. It is simultaneously the most passionate love, the most intense, but it is also the most heart rending and most painful. But for all the agony of first love it is the one that we will always remember, the first great love, the one we carry with us for the rest of our lives, and the one that every future relationship will be measured against. This is the same no matter what gender or sexuality you are and is the same across every age.

I remember my first love was all of the above, I fell in love like some people fell off of a building, emotional suicide some might call it. It was all of the things that a perfect first romance should have been. Our eyes met across a crowded room, eventually we struck up conversation, conversation led to buying each other drinks, then dancing then holding. And when it was absolutely impossible for a night to become anymore perfect it became so much more. All the time we were talking we moved closer and closer together, but then the music stopped and almost like magic everything seemed to stop and the lights came up. It felt like midnight in Cinderella and all of a sudden the world had become a little more “pumpkin shaped”. I did not know what to say, all that came to mind was “guess that’s all” and I rather clumsily tried to move away. That’s when I felt a hand on my wrist, and I looked into those beautiful chocolate brown eyes and we shared our first kiss. It would be an understatement to say I went weak at the knees, I practically fainted and melted at the same time.

Well what followed was nothing short of a whirlwind romance. It was like movie love, all sunny walks down the beach and holding each other while watching a DVD, even when we were not together I felt like this special person was with me all the time, and by the miracle of text messages they were practically was everywhere with me so long as I had my phone. But being together was always ten times better and for the first time in my life I felt like there was a single person in the world who both loved and accepted me completely and perfectly, and when a person grows up feeling that they were on the fringe of family life the idea of being loved is truly amazing.

I would like to say that this story has a happy ending, but if it did I would be talking about True Love, but this is a story of a different kind. And so it was that after our whirlwind romance died down and I am afraid that I was on the receiving end of “the talk”. Everyone knows the talk, the “its not you, its me” or “I think we have grown apart”. I remember that that was the day that the magic died, and I never felt so devastated as I did on that lonely day walking back to the train station when it started to rain on me. Like I said it was like a film, so it could have no other conclusion than to walk through the rain. I went home and cried for a day and a night until I had no tears left and only the emptiness was left.

But there is something that everyone who knows this pain should hear. The pain and loss will go away in its own time, and there will come a day when the sun will rise on your heart again and there will be a new love just waiting for you. Cry if you want, eat about a hundred chocolates if you want, because your sadness will come and it will leave you one day, and the day it does you will be stronger for it.  

Just something I have been itching to say for a long time :D